Let them express themselves!

Mrs. Cloyd Farquhar, a worried and concerned mother in Mansfield, Ohio, writes:

Dear Grammer Genious,

I'm worried about what they're telling my son Edgar in school. He's in the second grade and they're not teaching them any spelling. They call it “whole language.” You should see what they let him write – like, he'll write “mi muthr is reel nais she givs me ays crem” and things like that, and they give him an A on it and won't correct it at all! His teacher Miss Kaminsky says the idea is to let them express themselves in any way they want to, because if you keep imposing rules on them it will stifle them and they won't express themselves.

Does that make sense to you? What do you think?

By the way, we LOVE your column!

Aylene Farquhar (Mrs. Cloyd Farquhar)

Manfield, Ohio

Dear Mrs. Farquhar,

Miss Kaminsky is exactly right. The important thing is to give the children a way to express their feelings. Spelling rules come way down the list of things to worry about.

-- The Grammer Genious

Worth saying means worth spelling right!

Upton S. Heberling, a retired shoe store manager, Pearl Jam enthusiast, and founder of the fan blog pearljam.blogspot.com, writes:

Dear Grammer Genious,

When I here Eddie Vetter sing “Black” its the most meloncolic song of all times from begining to end. I remmember when i use to lissen to this song a million times because i mist my girl so much, i didnt want are love to go bad. if you are going thrugh that and feel like you are spinning too, just hange in their because it is just a mater of time, you will make it thrugh as I did, now I'm hapy again and still lisening to this song makes me remmember all the sad momints, im just glad my depretion is part of my past.

Upton

Dear Upton,

Your letter is so full of egregious spelling errors that it is impossible to give it any regard. Write to me again when you actually have some feeling or opinion to express in the accepted way.

– The Grammer Genious

Sister knows what she knows

Stanisław Danziger Szczepański, a junior at Saint Ursula Ledóchowska Catholic High School in Altoona, PA, writes:

Dear Grammer Genious,

Our teacher, Sister M. Mieczysława of the Congregation of the Ursulines of the Agonizing Heart of Jesus, says that a "hangnail" is called that because its pain reminds us of the pain Our Lord suffered when HANGing from the NAILS on the cross. Is that true?

Thanks you.

Stanisław

Dear Stanisław,

To address that interesting question, I consulted the noted etymology expert Rabbi Sholem Meir Shofman-Lipschitz of the Chabad Lubavitch Synagogue, a block away from your school in Altoona, and his response was: "Schmegegge!" Then he laughed and hung up the phone. I hope that answers your question, but it might be a good idea not to relay the rabbi's response back to Sister Mieczysława.

The Grammer Genious

P.S. Do those nuns still wear those big black burka things?

Shakespeare at the Seven-Eleven

Melanie Gumpotts, a Senior Cheerleader at Donald Rumsfeld High School in Odessa, Texas, writes:

Dear Grammer Genious,

At the Seven Eleven on the corner there is a cardboard sign on the door with "NO BAREFEET" written on it with a sharpy.

I know it's quoting somebody because the quote marks are real big. I've been writing a term paper for Mrs. Eckolm's class and I love quotations but I don't know who are they quoting, and neither does the lady at the 7-11 counter in there. She laughed when I asked her. Do you know? Also I can't find barefeet in the dictionary.

Melanie Gumpotts, Senior Cheerleader

Dear Melanie,

What -- you don't know? I can't BELIEVE you don't know! It's from Hamlet, of course. The "play within a play," Act II, Scene II:

“No barefeet up and down, threat’ning the flame

With bisson rheum, a clout about that head

Where late the diadem stood, and for a robe,

About her lank and all o’er-teemed loins,

A blanket, in the alarm of fear caught up;—"

Doesn't that ring a bell? It DOESN'T?? Don't they teach you kids ANYTHING anymore? No wonder this country is being run, in turns, by the evil, the feeble-minded, and the craven.

The 7-11 counter lady laughed at you because she couldn't BELIEVE you didn't recognize the Shakespearean reference on her entry door. She is apparently casting her pearls before swine.

No offense.

The Grammer Genious