Mrs. Titus Mulrooney, a widowed housewife of Pokomoke City, Maryland, writes,
Dear Grammer Genious,
My dear husband Titus passed away two years ago come Valentine's Day. I missed him so badly that last month, on an impulse, I stopped at that spiritual psychic reader and occultist, Madame Ruby, that has the big advertising sign out there on route 13.
She explained her product lines to me, and one of them was a séance, where you get to talk to your dead loved ones at $50 per sitting with guaranteed contact. So I opted for that one, and she shortly put me in contact with Titus.
I asked him what it was like where he was, and he said it was simply lovely and beautiful, with spreading green grasses and cloud-filled blue skies, and he kept talking about cows, about how wonderful the cows were there, and how good looking all the cows were, and cows, cows, cows. So I finally interrupted him to find out what all that cow business was, and that's when I found out that my dear dead husband Titus is now a bull in Argentina.
Mr. Genious, is it right for me to feel a little betrayed by this? I can't help feeling that way, I don't know why. I guess part of it is that I could have maybe better spent that $50 down at the Super Kmart, since I do need some new kitchen curtains. Anyways, it sort of makes me miss him a lot less at least.
Yours,
Fuchsia Mulrooney
Dear Fuchsia,
I think you should forget the whole thing. It is best for you to remember the man as he was before these bovine predilections entered his late brain. Can't think about that! --- Ngoggngoggngoggng!
Also, Super Kmart curtains?? Please.
The Grammer Genious
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