Everything is made plain

Mrs. Callista Gingrich, a simple, confused housewife living in McLean, VA, on tenterhooks, out of her depth, in an uncertain situation, trying to maintain an air of coherency under a great deal of media pressure, writes:

Dear Grammer Genious,

Please explain the difference between “complacent” and “complaisant.” I remember from college back in Iowa that one of them means self-satisfied and the other means willing to please others, but I never can remember which is which. Also, people seem to use them interchangeably nowadays, even though they mean opposite things, sort of. Also, what is a good remedy for an intractable itch? It itches very badly all up and down my spine. My husband refuses to scratch it. He thinks it might be cancer and says “Eeuw, eeuw.” Also, have you read “The Help?” I don't understand what it's supposed to be about -- are they just complaining again? Also, when I hang my souvenir “Hound Dog” key chain I bought at the gift shop at Graceland from the rear view mirror, I always make all the traffic lights (except when Newtie is with me because he makes me take it down). Why is that? Also, what is the Higgs boson? Also, what is this “twitter” I keep hearing about? Also, what the heck was that “Tree of Life” movie supposed to be about anyway?

Signed, Callista (Mrs. Newt) Gingrich

Dear Callista (what a weird name),

The “complacent/complaisant” thing has everybody all balled up, so don't feel like the Lone Ranger. “Experts” who pretend to be explaining those words with a snooty authoritarian air are generally full of crap – they don't know what they're talking about. Just use either word for either meaning. If you're misunderstood, well, so what? Do you care? That's their problem.

As for your skin itch problem, I can't think about that – (Ngognngognngogn!).

Here are the answers to your other questions, in the order that you asked them:

I don't know.

I don't know.

The Higgs boson is a posited but as yet undiscovered subatomic particle that obeys Bose-Einstein statistics and constitutes an excitation of the Higgs field above its ground state.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Signed, The Grammer Genious