A Clueless Fulbright Scholar

Jerrod Morse, a graduate student from St. John’s College in Annapolis Maryland now pursuing a Fulbright English Teaching Assistantship in Heidelberg, Germany, writes:

Dear Grammer Genious,

My German students studying English have a hard time with the “who/whom” distinction, since there is nothing remotely like it in their own simple language.

I find that I have trouble explaining it to them, since I myself don’t seem to understand it at all. I keep giving examples that are the opposite of each other and it gets all mixed up, and the students laugh at me and I hear them whispering “dummkopf” and “doofe amis,” which I suspect are locutions of disparagement. Could you explain the distinction, please?

Dear Jerrod,

I don’t understand why this “who/whom” thing keeps coming up, because it’s so easy that it’s just silly.

Use “who” if it’s before a verb. “To who it may concern.” “Who” comes before “may,” so “who” is the correct form.

Use “whom” if it’s after a verb. “I know whom did it.” “Whom” comes after “know,” so “whom” is the correct form. Get it, Mr. Fulbright Scholar?

Even if they “sound wrong,” those choices ought to be intuitive and automatic, without even thinking about it. If they aren’t, then maybe it’s time for you to forget about your fancy college and go back to the 3rd grade or something.

Also, a heads-up for you, at no extra charge: the Germans are still kind of clueless about how to make beer, and the beer they make is pretty bad, so watch out. Also, they haven’t heard about pasteurization over there yet, so you might get diarrhea.

- The Grammer Genious