Grandpaw said the F-word

Mrs. Elihu Garrison, a farm housewife who lives outside Wabash, Indiana, writes:

Dear Grammer Genious,

Last Sunday at dinner when I was arranging the table, I was trying to push the mayonnaise jello salad sideways and I accidently dumped a whole, big, hot, maple peach glazed ham into Grandpaw's lap, and he stood right up and yelled the F-word right in front of the children. I never heard Grandpaw say that word ever before in my whole life. And on the Sabbath! What do you suppose came over him? He was peevish the whole rest of the evening. I think he must of learned that word when he was in the Korian War. I had to re-trim the ham.

Signed, Mrs. Mary B. Shell Garrison

Dear Mrs. Garrison,

Was that the first time in your whole life that you ever dumped a whole, big, hot, maple peach glazed ham into your father's lap? If so, maybe he was just surprised, is all.

My mom used to stick dried cloves and pineapple slices all over the ham, so Grandpaw was lucky, in a way, and so were the children -- think what he might of said with cloves and pineapple all over his pants.

The Grammer Genious