No Exceptions

Mr. Maximilian Blodgett, the District Attorney of Ole Rolvaag County, South Dakota, writes:

Dear Mr.  Grammer Genious,

I spend ten hours a day following Sheriff Tom Zevenbergen around as he breaks up meth labs, collars the disgusting little perps, and throws their pathetic asses in jail.

We have an anal-retentive judge in this county who requires a ream of paperwork for each and every contemptible little piss-ant that gets tossed into the pokey, so I am trying to streamline the process by ginning up some boilerplate on MS Word. They’re all the same – “State of South Dakota, County of Ole Rolvaag, Affidavit…” etc. I’ve written it so that we authorities are always “who” and the perps are always “whom,” since that seems to make sense, but I wanted to make sure that was right. Is it?

M. A. Blodgett

District Attorney

Ole Rolvaag County

Bleak, SD 57025

Dear Mr. Blodgett,

Any grammar rule made up by duly authorized civic officials is correct, by definition. You have made an admirable one. Grammar rules should always be made up so as to have no exceptions. That might dissatisfy the local English teachers (who always think they’re so smart), but it’s bound to make your anal-retentive judge happy.

- The Grammer Genious
P.S. How can you STAND to live there?? No offense, just asking.